i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
