I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
