The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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