I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize