my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
