you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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