FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
