ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
