How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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