I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
