the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
