sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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