i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
