Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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