You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
