how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
