so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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