So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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