It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
