I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
