youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
