This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
