your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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