i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
