I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
