Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
