GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
