Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize