I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize