shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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