i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
third nipple confirmed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
