The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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