i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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