Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
