you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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