My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
