I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
