is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
