Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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