We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
