I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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