Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
