You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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