the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
