grandma shit on top of the toilet
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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