I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Come on in and take your pants off
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