Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
