How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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