U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
