Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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