all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
