I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
