Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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