so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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