did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
