Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
