Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
