3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
