I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
