His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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