Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
