Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it because I queefed?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
