we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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