He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
