the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
