Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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