Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
