so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
