its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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