I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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