i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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