So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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