Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
do herpes really smell.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
