i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
