Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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