She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
