we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
