True but thats because hes a fetus.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
