i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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