This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize