There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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