please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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