I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
