theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
