I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
