There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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