My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
