What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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