Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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