I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
