she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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