I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize