god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
