Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
