It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
