small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
