Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
