i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
