a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
