The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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